stand in your truth and let the world adjust.
Are You Performing for Approval? How to Recognize When You’re Seeking Love Instead of Living Your Truth.
There’s a moment—right after you say yes, right after you over-give, right after you agree to something that doesn’t sit right—when you feel it.
That little tug.
That whisper of regret.
That “why did I do that?”
And if you’re like most people, your mind will come in fast with the justifications:
Because it was the right thing to do.
Because I didn’t want to let them down.
Because I’m just a generous person.
Because I’m strong enough to handle it.
But what if none of those are the real reason?
What if—beneath the surface—you weren’t saying yes because you wanted to…
But because your nervous system told you that saying no meant losing love?
Your Yes Isn’t Always Generosity—Sometimes, It’s Survival
Your body has been tracking safety long before your mind ever learned how to form a thought.
And one of the deepest imprints in the nervous system is this: Love = Belonging = Survival.
So when we are children, we learn quickly:
If pleasing people makes them love me, I’ll be the good girl.
If over-giving makes me valuable, I’ll keep pouring even when I’m empty.
If sacrificing my needs makes me feel needed, I’ll put myself last.
And we don’t even question it.
Because it feels normal.
It feels safe.
Until one day, we wake up exhausted, resentful, disconnected from ourselves—wondering why we keep saying yes when we want to say no, why we keep giving when it hurts, why we keep performing instead of just being.
The Deep Core Needs That Drive Unconscious Yeses
If you find yourself constantly doing instead of being, over-giving instead of receiving, sacrificing instead of honoring—pause.
Ask yourself: What NEED am I actually trying to get met?
Here are some core primal needs that often drive unconscious behavior:
1. The Need for Love & Approval → The People-Pleasing Pattern
Do you say yes because you’re afraid saying no will make people pull away?
Do you feel a deep anxiety when someone is upset with you?
Do you struggle with setting boundaries because you don’t want to be “selfish”?
The shadow: You bend, shrink, and abandon yourself to keep love.
The truth: You are worthy of love without performing for it.
The Pattern Breaker: Next time you feel pulled to over-give, pause. Ask: If I knew I was already fully loved, would I still do this?
2. The Need for Recognition → The Over-Giving Pattern
Do you give more than you have, hoping someone will see and appreciate you?
Do you feel resentment when people don’t acknowledge your effort?
Do you feel unseen unless you’re constantly doing for others?
The shadow: You exhaust yourself trying to be valuable.
The truth: Your worth is not measured by what you give.
Pattern Breaker: Before you give, ask: Am I giving because I truly want to? Or because I want to feel seen?
3. The Need for Safety → The Hyper-Independence Pattern
Do you struggle to ask for help, believing you have to do everything alone?
Do you push away support because deep down, you don’t trust it will stay?
Do you pride yourself on “handling it all,” even when you’re struggling?
The shadow: You isolate yourself to avoid vulnerability.
The truth: True strength is letting yourself be held.
Pattern Breaker: When you feel like you have to do it all alone, pause. Ask: What if receiving is just as powerful as giving?
4. The Need for Control → The Perfectionism Pattern
Do you feel like you have to be “on” all the time to keep everything together?
Do you struggle to relax unless everything is perfect?
Do you fear failure because it would mean you aren’t “enough”?
The shadow: You grip onto control to avoid feeling unworthy.
The truth: You are worthy, even in the messiness.
Pattern Breaker: The next time you feel the urge to perfect something, pause. Ask: What would happen if I let this be easy?
How to Shift from Performance to Embodiment
The first step to shifting this pattern is awareness—noticing the moment where you are about to act from survival instead of truth.
💡 Notice the sensation. Your nervous system speaks through the body. Do you feel tightness? A sinking feeling? Restlessness? That’s the signal.
💡 Pause before the automatic yes. Even a 3-second pause and a deep breath can disrupt the old pattern.
💡 Ask yourself: Am I doing this from love, or am I doing this to get love?
💡 Honor your truth. Even if it’s uncomfortable. Even if people don’t like it.
Because you do not owe the world a performance.
Your worth was never in how much you gave, how perfect you were, or how many people you pleased.
Your worth is in who you are, when you are fully, unapologetically YOU.
You do not need to sacrifice yourself on the altar of approval any longer.
The Final Question: What Would Change If You Stopped Performing?
There is so much power - and I mean power that comes from Sovereign Being - that comes from standing in your alignment. You no longer feel like you need to:
✨ Prove yourself.
✨ Keep the peace at your own expense.
✨ Say yes when you want to say no.
✨ Give from emptiness.
✨ Be responsible for how others feel.
Imagine feeling free.
Imagine being fully seen, fully loved, fully valued—without ever having to perform again.
That life?
It starts the moment you recognize that you were never meant to chase love.
You were meant to be love.
You were meant to stand in your truth and let the world adjust.
So tell me, sister—where are you still saying yes when your soul is screaming no?
And what happens when you finally choose you?
Ready, set…FLY!
Love, Joya