Ahh Valentine’s Day. Let’s talk love.

THE MURKY HISTORY

Ahh, Valentine’s Day—the ultimate Hallmark holiday, dressed up in hearts, chocolates, and overpriced dinner reservations. But if we strip away the marketing, what’s the real story?

Historically, Valentine’s Day has murky origins. There were multiple Saint Valentines, but the one most often linked to the holiday was a third-century Roman priest who allegedly performed secret marriages against Emperor Claudius II’s decree. The legend goes that he was executed on February 14, leaving behind a note signed "Your Valentine." Romantic, right? Except the whole story is pretty shaky, and there’s no solid historical evidence that Valentine even existed, let alone played matchmaker.

Then we have the medieval connection. Geoffrey Chaucer, the poet who basically invented the idea of Valentine’s Day as a love celebration, wrote about birds choosing their mates on "Seynt Valentynes Day." But fun fact: In 14th-century England, birds weren’t mating in February—it was too cold. So, either he was referring to a different Saint Valentine’s feast (some were celebrated in May), or he just made it up, and the idea stuck.

Fast forward to the 19th century, and we get the explosion of mass-produced Valentine’s Day cards, thanks to industrialization. By the 20th century, florists, candy makers, and jewelers all jumped on the bandwagon, and now we have a multi-billion dollar industry built around obligatory romance.

So, at its core, Valentine’s Day is a strange mix of dubious history, medieval poetry, and capitalism. But does that mean love itself is bunk? Not at all. It just means that if you’re going to celebrate, do it on your terms—whether that’s ignoring the day altogether, celebrating self-love, or reclaiming it as an excuse for real, meaningful connection beyond the gimmicks.

The Heart shape

There’s a theory that the classic heart shape we associate with love actually comes from ahem certain curvaceous parts of the human anatomy—specifically, a woman’s buttocks when viewed from behind.

Some historians believe the shape may have originated from ancient depictions of fertility goddesses, where exaggerated hips and curves symbolized abundance and sensuality. Others think it could be inspired by the shape of breasts or even the silhouette of a woman bending forward.

Then there's the botanical theory—the heart shape could have been modeled after the silphium plant, an ancient contraceptive herb used in Greco-Roman times. Its seed pod looked a lot like the modern heart symbol, and it was so highly valued that it was even imprinted on coins.

So yeah, whether it’s a stylized booty, a bosom, or a now-extinct birth control plant, the heart symbol has roots in something way more primal than Hallmark would like us to believe.

Now let’s talk about LOVE

Real love is so much more than more than just a feeling that is linked to someone’s preferences—it’s a literal force, a state of being, an intelligence that permeates everything. The reason so many spiritual traditions say God/dess is Love is because love is not just an emotion; it’s a field, a presence, a creative force that holds the universe together. But when we reduce it to just romance or fleeting feelings, it becomes cliché, something we think we understand but have never actually experienced in its purest form - unless we have. I have written and talked about my own NDE in which not only did I experience music made of light, I felt so much LOVE - blazing love that saw right through my humanity and into the heart of my BEING and loved me. And in Bali last year, I experienced profound love through the feeling of grace. Again, I felt completely seen for all that I am, and all that I’ve done - and I was so loved anyway.

So today I don’t want to talk about being IN love - the romance and chemical reaction that happens between two people. I want to talk about deep self-love, and the love of the Creator. Here is what this kind of love looks like:

1. Grace

Love doesn’t care about perfection—it’s wants your wholeness because love IS your wholeness. It sees all of you: the mess, the contradictions, the wounds, the parts you try to hide—and holds them with gentleness. Grace is love without conditions, without performance. It says, "You don’t have to earn this. You don’t have to be anything other than what you are." Real love liberates, rather than controls. Until I experienced grace, I didn’t really understand it. Grace feels like profound forgiveness, despite seeing ALL of the flaws. Every one of them is held and transmuted in the light of Grace. The self is transmuted in the reverence and the humbling experience of being so LOVED when you KNOW you are SO seen through. The deep sorrow you instantly feel for your own ignorance - the mistakes you’ve made, the ways you hurt yourself and others - is felt and seen without judgment but through the eyes and the light and love of grace. There is nothing like this kind of pure, non-judgmental love and forgiveness.

2. Acceptance

To be fully accepted is to be fully witnessed. Most of us are starving to be seen—not just admired, not just desired, but truly recognized for who we are, in all our contradictions. Love says, "I see you, and you are enough." Can you say this to yourself? "I accept myself exactly as I am—messy, imperfect, evolving, human." Self-acceptance is not about liking every part of yourself. It’s about being with yourself, without rejection, shame, or resistance. It is the deep exhale that happens when you stop trying to be someone else and allow yourself to be you - and that’s all you can ever be! Stop wasting energy on “shoulds.” Recognize that where you are right now is part of your path. Stop punishing yourself for not being somewhere else. Growth doesn’t mean erasing who you were—it means integrating it as a part of you. You don’t need more self-improvement. You don’t need to “become” anything else. You just need to allow yourself to be exactly who you are, and accept every single part of it - especially that which you find unacceptable. When you accept where you are, you now have the power to choose to make new choices.

3. Presence

Presence is the purest expression of love because it asks nothing—no conditions, no expectations, no past wounds or future anxieties. To truly love, whether yourself or another, is to be here—fully, without distraction, without the need to fix, control, or escape. It’s the deep stillness where nothing is missing, where the mind quiets and the heart listens. When we are fully present, love is not something we seek or chase—it’s something we are. Time dissolves, and what remains is the only thing that has ever been real: this moment, and the love that fills it.

4. Freedom

Real love never binds—it expands. It allows you to grow into more of yourself, not less. If love feels like a prison, it’s not love. Love is the force that says, "Be all that you are, and I will still be here." Love is freedom because it holds, but it never traps. Real love doesn’t shrink you—it invites you to unfold, to expand into your fullest self without fear of losing it. It doesn’t demand that you fit into a box, change to be worthy, or stay small to be safe. Instead, love whispers, "Go, grow, become—your wings don’t scare me." True love is the space where you can be completely yourself and still be met with open arms. Loving yourself into your own growth, as good as it feels, is paradoxically one of the hardest things for us to do because it asks all of us to come out of hiding. You can’t be free if part of you is trapped.

5. Truth

Love cannot exist without truth. If you have to hide who you are, if you have to shrink or lie to be loved, then what’s being loved isn’t you—it’s a mask. Love and truth are twins. To be loved truly, we must allow ourselves to be seen truthfully - especially by ourselves!! Love and truth are inseparable because love that is built on illusion is not love at all—it’s performance. If you have to hide, shape-shift, or silence parts of yourself to be accepted, then what’s being loved isn’t you, but a version of you designed to please. Real love thrives in truth—it says, "Show me who you are, and I will meet you there." It doesn’t fear honesty; it welcomes it, because only in truth can love be real, rooted, and free.

6. Devotion

Not the clingy, desperate kind, but the deep commitment to honoring what is sacred—within yourself, within another. Sometimes love is about showing up when it’s hard. True devotion is when love isn’t just a feeling but a choice. Devotion to yourself is the quiet, unwavering commitment to keep showing up—for your growth, your healing, your truth—no matter how messy or uncomfortable it gets. It’s not about perfection or always feeling good; it’s about staying present with yourself even when it’s hard. Devotion is choosing to honor your worth, your path, and your soul’s unfolding, day after day. It’s not about chasing an ideal version of yourself! That is a trap that keeps us stuck in seeking something out there. The act of devotion is to who you are right now while still holding space for who you are becoming.

7. Sacred Reciprocity

Love isn’t just giving; it’s also about being able to receive. Many people can give endlessly but struggle to let love in. I had the realization recently that my generous heart, which is pure love in action, was also entangled with a self-worth issue, and so I would give at times when I wanted to say no, and I had a difficult time receiving. Ouch. Sacred reciprocity in self-love means recognizing that love must flow both ways—not just outward, but inward. For many of us - especially women, it’s easy to give, to care, to pour into others, but true self-love asks: Can you also receive? Can you accept rest without guilt, kindness without suspicion, love without proving yourself worthy? If you struggle to receive, it’s not because love isn’t available—it’s because somewhere deep down, you doubt you deserve it. Sacred reciprocity is the balance of giving and allowing, of offering love to yourself as freely as you give it to the world.

How Do We Cultivate This Love Within Ourselves?

Self-love isn’t something you can achieve and check off of your to-do list—it’s something you allow in. Self-love is a birthright! Self-love is a relationship with yourself. It’s a daily choice to return to yourself with more softness, more truth, more reverence. To cultivate this kind of love, we don’t need to add anything to ourselves. Instead, we need to release—release the conditions, the masks, the stories that keep us from knowing that love has always been here, waiting for us to come home to it.

1. Drop the Conditions

Stop measuring your worth by external markers. You don’t need to earn love through success, perfection, or approval. You don’t have to be better or fixed to be worthy of love. You already are. Let yourself receive love simply because you exist. Because you are here, love is here.

2. Become the Witness of Your Own Being

Can you sit with yourself—fully, without trying to change, numb, or escape? Can you hold your flaws, your grief, your contradictions, and still meet yourself with tenderness? Witness yourself the way a loving presence would—without judgment, without resistance. Just see yourself, and let that be enough.

3. Cultivate Presence

Love, like breath, doesn’t exist in the past or future. It only exists now. Can you meet yourself here? In your breath, in the warmth of your body, in the quiet moment where nothing is missing? When you return to presence, you return to love.

4. Speak the Truth

To love yourself, you must first be honest with yourself. What do you actually need? What do you actually feel? Love cannot exist without truth. Let yourself tell the truth—about your desires, your wounds, your boundaries. Then honor it.

5. Let Love In

Love is already here. It’s in the softness of a sunrise, in the way water meets your skin, in the quiet kindness of a deep inhale. It’s in the beauty you witness all around you. The question is: Will you let it reach you? Will you allow yourself to receive love, to be held by life itself?

6. Move From Seeking to Remembering

Real love has never been missing. It has always been within you, waiting for you to return to it. It can be buried under fear, judgement, beliefs, unworthiness, grief, anger…numbness.

True self-love is a process of returning—not to an ideal version of yourself (remember when you are present you are fluid and flowing), but to the truth of who you already are. You don’t have to become anything else. You just have to stop abandoning yourself and start listening and honoring your own heart.

And when you do? You will remember that you are love. You always have been. Healthy self-love is the foundation of everything—your relationships, your purpose, your ability to show up in the world as your fullest self. It’s not about inflating your ego; it’s about honoring your essence.

It’s the love that says: "I am worthy, even when I don’t feel like it. I am whole, even when I’m healing. I am enough, even when I struggle."

Self-Love is Not a Feeling—It’s a Commitment.

Feelings are fleeting, and if they aren’t told a story, they only last around 90 seconds. So no, love is not a feeling. It’s also not a destination to a perfect state of being where you’re happy all the time. Love is a practice. A daily choice. It’s learning to stay with yourself, no matter what. It’s making self-honoring choices, and that isn’t always the easy thing to do - at least at first.

And the deeper you go, the more you realize… self-love isn’t about you at all. It’s about dissolving into something greater. It’s about being so full of love that it naturally flows through you, not just to you. It’s about remembering that the love you seek has always been here. It is you.

The Power of the Metta Prayer: A Path to Self-Love

I learned the Metta Prayer when I went through Mindfulness Based Self-Compassion. It’s also known as the Loving-Kindness Meditation, is an ancient Buddhist practice designed to cultivate unconditional love—first for ourselves, then for others, and finally for all beings. Rooted in the Pali word metta, meaning "benevolence" or "loving-kindness," this practice has been used for centuries to dissolve self-judgment, soften the walls around the heart, and open us to the truth that love is not something we must earn—it is something we ourselves soften to and allow in.

In MBSC training, I learned for the first time how awful my own self-talk and inner critic was. I didn’t even have an inner critic - I had an inner TORMENTOR! I also learned for the first time that I could give myself the love I never received as a child. So, for a year, I carried my own version of the Metta Prayer, repeated it over and over again as a mantra, like a seed I was planting in the soil of my being:

"May I love myself. May I be happy. May I be at peace. May I be free."

I spoke these words not because I already felt them, but because I was choosing to believe in the possibility that one day I would. And then one day, I DID. I have shared the story many times because moving from self-loathing to self-love shook me to my core. I was headed to an appointment and I had forgotten something at home. I am one of those people who hates to be late and I prided myself on being “perfectly punctual” - always, to the minute. This leaves no time for error. I felt the initial panic of being late well up inside of my body, and then the voice in my head said “It’s ok sweetheart. Just message them and let them know you're going to be a little late.”

My own voice in my head called me sweetheart. I was so incredibly moved by this transformation of consciousness that I had to pull over because I was crying so hard. Now I was really late to my meeting and I didn't care. I had just transmuted something inside of me that I never thought was possible.

This is the power of words, the power of devotion, the power of letting love take root in the spaces where we once believed we were unworthy.

And so, for those walking this path—those unraveling old stories, those learning to hold themselves with tenderness, those remembering that they are love—I offer this Gnostic-inspired prayerfirmation as a guide, a mirror, a doorway back to yourself.

Prayerfirmation for Self-Love & Awakening

I am made of Light and Love,
a living breath of the Divine.
I am not separate. I was never separate.
The Love that created the stars also lives in me.

May I remember the truth of who I am.
May I see myself through the eyes of the Beloved.
May I meet my own heart with kindness.
May I release all illusions that tell me I am not enough.

May Love dissolve the walls I have built around myself.
May Grace wash over every place I have abandoned within.
May I be free from the weight of my past.
May I be whole in the fullness of who I AM.

I do not need to earn Love.
I am Love. Let me BE love.
I do not need to seek Light.
I am Light. Let me BE light.

I am a lighthouse for LOVE -
I do not waver in storms.
I am worthy of love,
because love is what I AM.

And so it is.

Prayerfirmations are declarations who TRUTH. They are a return to the sacred truth that has always lived within you.
Say it. Walk with it. Breathe it in. Write your own short mantra and make it be what you think about when you remember to think about it.
Until one day, you don’t just believe it—you become it.

Love, Joya